Audition Materials: Seussical

CAT IN THE HAT: I can see that you’ve got quite a mind for your age! Why, one Think and you’ve dragged me right onto the stage. Now I’m here, there’s no telling what Thinks might ensue With a Cat such as me, and a thinker like you. Our story begins with a very strange sound… The drums of a jungle beginning to pound. An unusual story will soon be unfurled Of an elephant who’s trying to save a small world!

GERTRUDE: There once was a bird girl named Gertrude McFuzz And she had the smallest, plain tail ever was. One droopy feather, that’s all that she had. And oh, that one feather made Gertrude so sad! She curled it, she dyed it, she gave it a puff. She decked it with flowers, but it wasn’t enough, For no matter what, it was just what it was: A tail that wasn’t meant To catch the eye of an elephant… The one-feathered tail of Ms. Gertrude McFuzz.

HORTON: I say! How confusing! I’ve never heard tell Of a small speck of dust that is able to yell. So, you know what I think? I think that there must Be someone on top of that small speck of dust. Some poor little person, who’s shaking with fear, That he’ll blow in the pool! He has no way to steer! It’s true, please believe me, I tell you sincerely! My ears are quite keen, and I heard him quite clearly. I know there’s a person on there, and what’s more— Quite likely there’s two. Even three! Maybe more!

SOUR KANGAROO: HUMPF!! Humpfed a voice. ‘Twas a Sour Kangaroo. And the young kangaroo in her pouch said “HUMPF!” Too! Why, that speck is as small as a pin. A person on that? Why, there never has been! [She laughs derisively.] You’re the biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool And I don’t care who I tell. Maybe I’m nasty, maybe I’m cruel, But you’re the biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool. Elephants ain’t too swift, as a rule, And that Horton is just A great big gray fool.

JOJO This might be a pool, like I’ve read of in books. Connected to one of those underground brooks. An underground river that starts here and flows Right under this bathtub! And then – who knows! It’s possible – Anything’s possible. It might go along down where no one can see, Right under state highway two hundred and three! Right under the wagons! Right under the toes of Mrs. Umbroso… Who’s hanging out clothes! It’s possible – Anything’s possible! This might be a river – now, might’n’t it be, Connecting McElligot’s Pool with the sea! Then maybe some fish might be swimming… Swimming toward ME!

MR MAYOR / MRS MAYOR [Mayor reads this line]: I’m the Mayor of Who. Why, I’ve just been elected. [Mrs. Mayor reads this line]: He’s the Mayor of Who. Why, he’s just been elected! [Both continue from here with the rest of the monologue]: And upright behavior is thus-forth expected! But we’ve just had a talk with your teachers today And they didn’t have one single good thing to say. You’ve invented new Thinks which defy all description. You gave Miss O’Dooley a nervous conniption! Your Thinks were so wild they disrupted your classes, And made Mrs Mackel-who drop her new glasses! Which is why you are now henceforth – SUSPENDED! Yes, that’s what they said. Young man, what has gotten into your head? #7 MAYZIE LABIRD Hey Horton, would you maybe sit on my nest? I’m bored and I’m tired. I’m due for some rest. I won’t be gone long kid, I give you my word. I’ll hurry right back, ‘cause I’m that sort of bird. Oh Horton, I promise: I’ll fly back real soon. I’d only be gone for, say, one afternoon? I’m sad, and I’m cranky, sitting day after day, I need a vacation! I need to get away. Don’t worry yourself about your friends down in “Who.” I’m off! Thanks a million! Bye bye – toodle-ooo!

GENERAL GENGHIS KAHN SCHMITZ I’m General Genghis Kahn Schmitz! I scare children out of their wits. But you’ll see at a glance, sir, my school is the answer For shirkers and dreamers and twits. And in this case, I’d say the shoe fits! Ten hut! Feet together. Chin up. Eyes on the prize. Forward … h – a – a – arch! The Military Academy is the place where he should be sent. We’ll drill the silliness from his head – I’m sure we’ll make a dent! We’ll teach him fighting and left and righting until he’s muscled and tan! A-hut-two-three! He’s pathetic! A-hut-two-three! Unathletic! But I’m betting we can! The Military! That’s what makes a boy … a MAN!

Grinch Everyone down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville did NOT. 9b “Maybe Christmas”, he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more